How to Support Your Child Academically

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” - James Clear, Atomic Habits

For many parents and caregivers, helping their child “succeed” at school often means long nights spent at the dining table in front of blank worksheets, scolding or soothing a frustrated child. Or, parents can become drill-sergeants, relentlessly following after a child, sending constant emails to teachers, or painstakingly going through every folder in a child’s book bag.

It makes sense. School standards and academic work have become increasingly complex. The pandemic has exacerbated health anxieties, and with the onslaught of social media affecting children's mental health as well, ensuring a child’s academic success has been harder than ever.

But nights at the homework table don’t have to be as stressful as one might think. In fact with a few mindset shifts, parents can be well on their way to supporting their child without all the drama.

According to a collection of research out of the National PTA, one of the most important things that parents can do to support their child are not specific actions, but really creating an environment that encourages learning. In short, while parents should focus on their child's individual performance, it could be beneficial to focus on whether or not they’ve created an educational ecosystem where their child can thrive. Below are five tips parents can take to help support their child’s academic success without pulling their hair out.

1. Model being a learner.

Kids often pay attention to what we do, rather than what we say. Therefore one of the best things a parent can do is be the example they want to be for their kids. For example, do you tell your child they need to read more, but you never have a book in your hand? Do you ask your kids to treat teachers with respect, but they hear you often complaining about your own boss? In short, as the cliché goes, be the change you want to see when it comes to your children. It goes a long way.

2. Reflect on your unconscious expectations about schooling.

Thoughts lead to behaviors, and therefore it’s important for parents to examine their own hidden thoughts about schooling. For example, were you a super high-achieving student? Or was school a difficult place for you? Were you “never good at math,” and so you tacitly give your child permission to not try as hard as they could? We want children to see school and learning as a source of fun and curiosity. We want them to try hard, but not become anxious perfectionists. But that might be difficult if we’re unconsciously projecting all our “stuff” onto kids. So reflect on your attitudes to school and learning, and think about what attitudes might be leaking out on your kids.

3. Strengthen home routines.

One of the things that the pandemic has upended is certainty. Is there a new strain? Mask or no mask? Remote or hybrid? Kids nowadays are dealing with constant states of uncertainty, which can be problematic when we know that children benefit from order and structure. Revisit routines with your kids, no matter how old they are. Establish a place to do homework. Make space for them to check-in with you about their school day. In an anxious world, we can at least make sure the home environment is a space that feels safe and sustaining for children.

4. Get (and stay) involved at your child’s school.

In primary years, parents are hyper-involved. Parents can come read a book for kids on the rug, or chaperone for school trips. But as kids get older and more independent, parental involvement at the school level tends to drop off. This is unfortunate, as parental involvement at school is directly correlated with kids' success at all levels. The more the better, but even a little bit helps. Look for ways to still volunteer at school, whether that be field trips, assisting in the classroom, attending parent-teacher conferences, and other workshops. School involvement not only helps you build rapport with the educators responsible for your child, but it also shows your child that school is important enough for you to be physically present yourself.

5. Think of Screen Time As an Opportunity To Learn About Your Child

It’s possible that the harms of screen time might be overblown, and in fact might be a good source of social support for kids. The reality is that cell phones, video games, and laptops aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so while we want to be mindful of our kids’ use, demonizing technology isn’t going to do us any good. Instead, figure out what your child is actually using tech for, and use it to gather information. Does your child use it to socialize? Are they watching shows that are helping them make sense of the world? Are they interested in things that you could encourage through more traditional learning tools like books or museum trips? If you allow yourself to get past the “tool,” and look into the substance, you might see opportunities that you can leverage.

Overall, schooling is more complex and difficult than ever. But parents and caregivers should focus less on feeling like they need to be a teacher at home, but more on creating a self-sustaining learning environment at home that promotes the habits and mindsets that encourage kids to be lifelong learners themselves.

Aaron Talley is a writer, educator, and activist originally from Detroit, Michigan. His work, which focuses on the intersections between identity and education, has been featured in Education Post, South Side Weekly, and The Nation Magazine among others. He has served Chicago Public Schools in various capacities, including as a member of CPS' Inaugural Teacher Advisory Board, and as a Framework Specialist teacher mentor. In 2018, he was a Fund for Teachers Fellow, where he was awarded a grant from Chicago Education Foundation to visit Japan in order to develop an Anime-focused elective for students. He received both his B.A. and M.A. from the University of Chicago, and currently teaches 8th grade English at Lindblom Math and Science Academy.